Waking

This blog is to reflect on the memoir Waking by Matthew Sanford.  The book is a memoir of his life and how he moved on after suffering a terrible car accident at a young age.  Before going too in depth about the memoir itself, I do need to say that this was very hard for me to read for multiple reasons. First, it was incredibly hard for me to become attached to journey Matthew is telling in his memoir.  So many of the experiences he is describing and went through are foreign to me.  I have never had any accident that has caused serious mental or physical harm or damage to me.  Lord willing I never will.  I have also never had an out of body experience. I also have never had an out of body experience that is described so vividly during the time in the hospital after the crash.  It is an entirely unknown concept to me in how that would even take place.  I have read other accounts of similar events, but none in the detail as in this memoir. Comprehending some of those challenges that he faced are close to impossible for me just because of the life experiences I have had and how they are so vastly different than the ones Matthew had.  Especially in such a formative point in human life, the gap is still something I am thinking about.

            With all caveat out of the way, everything now should still be taken with a grain of salt just because the likelihood that I am off on these connections is very possible.

            While there is so much disconnect between myself and Matthew and the experiences he had, there are some that we both find as a middle ground.  That is the internal feeling and benefit of yoga. While being in the positions that we are in, the physical benefits are completely different.  But I feel that there is a connection between the mental benefits.  One of the things that Matthew stresses throughout the memoir is the separation of his body and his mind.  Due to paralysis, mentally he has not connected to that area of his body. If anything he has purposely put it aside and avoided it in order to continue living.  Yoga then, is what allows him to connect with his body as a whole again and to feel good about his body as a whole. It creates a peace. Including for the paralyzed parts. In an awkward connection, yoga personally does the same thing.  While I am now trying to bring peace to a vast chasm that has been placed in my mind, I am still trying to achieve peace.  The ability to focus on something so small in modern society, the self, is peaceful and has healing properties.  Knowing that I have the ability to slip the bonds of what society says, and come into what I say, is something that brings peace to me.  Honestly it is the reason for the physical benefits I feel with yoga I believe.  Coming to terms with myself, in a metaphysical sense, heals the scars and wounds inflicted by my physical body creates by attempting to conform to a mold it does not fit.

            Again, this is just the musing of a solitary individual who is still unsure if he fully comprehends what exactly the memoir is attempting to convey.   

Obstacles

Making our way back to the sutras, we begin again in the first chapter with verses 30-39.  They focus on the obstacles that get in the way of practice and truly allowing one to experience yoga and dwell in their own true splendor.  But where to begin with obstacles. I seem to find them all the time.  Mostly its the lack of time though.  With such a busy schedule, there arnt enough hours in the day for me to get everything done, let alone a good 15-30 min block where I can get some yoga in.  But everything that seems to be the problem for me, isnt what the sutras say are the problems. Granted some of my problems can be included within some of the obstacles mentioned in the sutras.  I just think its interesting that things like breathing, both inhaling and exhaling accompany the distractions. Since breathing is such a big part of yoga and the poses, it is just a little weird that it can also distract you. It then goes on about ways to steady the mind so these obstacles dont affect you. Basically it is the opposite of the distractions. Go figure.  Not much is said about how to have be free from desire (I.37) or something, but it makes sense that once your free from that then you will be able to practice yoga better.

This is one of the problems I am having with my own practice, is these distractions.  Most of the time I relate it to time and not having enough time to practice. But I know sometimes its because Im lazy or just dont feel like it, and that is something that I need to focus on and work on and just like every sport Ive every played or working out and staying in shape now, even if I dont want to, I need to buckle down and get it done.

Class time is so nice because it is already scheduled into my day and I cant then make that excuse anymore.  Also in class we do a lot more than I would do in my own practice, and do a lot of things that I forgot about.  I have liked how we have recently started incorporating a little bit of everything into one practice.  It makes me feel more accomplished because we dont have to work only on twists, or inversions or something but that we are capable of doing everything together now.

The BG pt 2

After the finished the Bhagavad Gita now, there are a couple things that I am taking away from it.  First, I enjoyed it a lot more than I thought, and it is going to be a book that I will keep with me and most likely read again in the future if not multiple times.  Mostly because reading it will bring me back to many of the core principles of yoga and remind me of the benefits that I can receive.  So when I get stress and have stopped doing a personal practice, this could be my little kick start to begin again.

The other thing that I wanted to get off my chest before talking more about what I thought about the Bhagavad Gita.  I will warn yall this is a spoilers so skip to the next paragraph is you care about that. I didn’t like the ending.  Compared to the situation set at the beginning of the book, it is completely anticlimactic and a huge let down. I understand that the majority of the book with the discussion between Krishna and Arjuna, time has stopped and the fact that they are sitting in an open chariot in the middle of two armies about to fight isn’t a big deal.  But the reason they have this discussion so Arjuna can ask Krishna his advice on beginning the battle anyway because its against his own family.  I get that.  You’re telling me though that now after 15ish chapters of this discussion, they never tell you what Arjuna decides? Really?  It just ends with the storyteller saying that this is the discussion that they had.  Nothing after Arjuna saying he will follow Krishna’s will or what that will is.  I was hoping for at least a, “lets call off the battle” or maybe a, “we will win this because it is what’s right.” But no. Nothing. It just ends.  Really big letdown for me personally.

Enough of that rant, and moving on.  Like I said earlier, overall I really did enjoy the book and story told.  I think that it is a really useful and easy way to get into the meaning of the sutras without having to go through the sutras and dig into them individually. Especially when you don’t have the ability we did in class of having the time to discuss them with other very smart and in tune people.  I know I would have missed half of what the sutras said if I could ask questions and bounce ideas off of my classmates. I just hope they feel the same. 

Still with this idea that it is a good way to introduce it, there is a bit of difference between them. The first is who Krishna is a representation the most powerful and high god in Hindu and the Sutras done mention any specific god but more of the god that you personally connect with. Some of that is because there are multiple gods in the Hindu faith, but it also leaves a more open interpretation for those who are not of the Hindu faith to incorporate what the Sutras say into their own faith and I think that is harder to do through the Bhagavad Gita.

The 3 People

The last two chapters here in the BG focus a lot on the three states of people. If that is an accurate way to describe them. Sattva, Rajas and Tamas.  Arjuna asks Krishna to describe the type of people who fall into each of the three categories of people.  While Krishna was going through these chapters doing this I got a bit confused.  It seems the Sattva is by far the best state of nature for someone to be in. In practically every way it was the preferred, holy or neutral.  Rajas wasnt the worst as it had some good qualities and some bad, while Tamas was typically the worst of the three every time.  What is strange, is that while reading and discussing the sutras in class, it never really seemed that one was better than another. More importantly, it always seemed that a balance of all was best. It dosnt seem that way with Krishna.  He is putting a lot more emphasis on Sattva than either Rajas or Tamas.  It will be interesting to discuss that in class.

I have started working on my hamstrings again for my personal practice, but havnt noticed much improvement again yet. Not that I was really expecting it after only another week when it took me about 4 weeks last time.  But I will keep going with it and see what happens.  I think I will start to incorporate a little more of a variety as well.  In class we went over the "classes" of poses in terms or twisting poses, inverted poses, standing poses, etc and trying to do at least one of each or focus on one or two groups would be more beneficial to my practice than random poses I remember or things I want to try.

I missed last Thursday in class again, and again I could tell a noticeable different in how I felt.  Its really weird because I never thought that I would get to the point where missing yoga has a noticeable impact on how I am feeling. Forget the fact that I never thought I was going to really do yoga in the first place.  However, as far as what I hope for future classes is to set a better base of knowledge of poses that once class is over I can still carry on a meaningful practice since I am still relying on class time a bit more than my personal practice.

The BG

For this required blog post, I think I will be talking about something that most everyone else will be as well.  This is mainly because we have spoken about it at length in class, but also just because it is something that is very apparent in the writing.

            The connection between the ideas of morality and how to live a good life expressed by Arjuna and the way in which Christ instructs Christians to live in the Bible.  I have already talked a little about his in some previous blog posts about specific readings, but this will be a bit more of a holistic view with some other commentary on the structure and overall feelings of the Bhagaavad Gita, or BG for short because I don’t want to have to look up how to type it every time since I’m lazy.

            So, now to the good stuff.  I know I have already talked about how I found a strong connection with the different names that Arjuna gives himself as god and creator of everything and the different names that Christ and God have in the Christian tradition.  This was brought more into light the other day when my mother sent me my biweekly “T Time.”  To give a little background, T Time is an email that I get every week or so since I have come to college and it is what my mom has been praying over me for that week or upcoming month.  Each time she does this, she gives me a different name of God that she is praying over me because of the connotation that the name means and how it will help me for whatever I have going on that week.  This latest one, the 11^th for the year, was Jehovah-Raah or “The Lord is my Shepherd.”  Some previous ones from this year alone are; El Elyon, The God most high and El Rio, the God who sees.  Seeing a lot of these same aspects and names in the BG like how Arjuna is the wisdom of the wise and the goodness of the virtuous is really cool. Not to mention the fact that the chapter title in our version of the BG that we are reading is titled Divine Splendor.  Which if that dosnt also fit perfectly the names of God then I don’t know what does.  Thinking on the names that my mother has sent me of god brings out a new aspect of his greatness to me every time I think about it because it is a way in which I used to not think about him. 

            Moving on from the introspective, I have really enjoyed reading the BG. A lot more than I thought I would, even though I cant pronounce the title.  I don’t really know what I was expecting to start, maybe something more the yoga sutras and not so much a story. Which granted it is still very much like the sutras, but in more of a story context.  Except the story is kinda weak and nonexistent because  time is stopped so Arjuna and Krisna don’t get killed while sitting in their chariot in the middle of a battle, and never really gets into any of the battle stuff. Honestly a bit upsetting for me personally because I like that sort of thing, but it dosnt quite fit and flow well with the moral of the story.

            Anyways, enough rambling from me now, the like 3 people who read this will be plenty more of that as time goes on.

Knower of the Field

So this week, well for today more specifically, the Arjuna is talking to Krisna about the body and how to reach Brahman.  A lot of what is covered here we have already covered in class through the discussion of the sutras. The idea that there are vriti and things that hinder the ability for someone to reach Brahman, and three states of activity of sattva, rajas and tamas.  Then how to reach past these, among other aspects to reach Brahman.  It also makes a lot of sense that if Arjuna is the creator of all, that he would be the first seed of the field that is each person. The way he describes it in that each person is a field, and to know Arjuna they have to know their field is a really interesting way of saying that to reach Brahman, you must first dwell in your own true nature. I honestly like this way better because I think the analogy that it creates is better at explaining the overall goal than simply saying, "dwell in your own true nature."  I also liked how at the end of 14, Krisna asks Arjuna what someone in Brahman looks like and the image that Arjuna presents is not what I would first picture.  I personally would think that it is more of a place of joy and peace and that isnt exactly what is described.  Instead it is more of a equilibrium of all senses and emotions and states.  Which granted would probably bring peace, but it is more of being neutral to all and therefore able to find joy in everything.

As far as my own practice goes, I have some good and bad news.  The good news is I was able to touch my toes easily for the first time last week.  But when I tried yesterday and today I haven't been able to without stretching to the point of pain again for the last inch or 2, Im not sure of this is because Im not as loose in the morning so its a bad time to try, or that because I was able to do it I have focused more on other posed and not worked on stretching as much.  It think it may be a combo of the two so I think im going to go back to more of the stretching poses to work and maintain that. Its just kinda sad because I love the more restorative and relaxing poses with my busy life and I dont see how I have time to work both currently.

In class, I was upset that we didnt have class Thursday. Its kinda funny because I know even with my practice that times get moved around due to my other schedules and things, I can always count on having 45 mins to an hour of yoga in class and not having that was weird and I could tell a noticeable different in my attitude for the rest of the week.

Eternal Deity

In these two chapter of the Bhagavad Gita, there are so many connection to Christianity.  All of chapter eight is spent by Krishna explaining who he is and how he provides for all.  From being the father of the universe to the sum of all knowledge, the connection to the different names of God which explain how he is father and lord of all is incredible.  Krishna continues to explain how those who reside in him are provided for, in the same way that the Lord provides for those who follow him.

In a slightly less awe inspiring and immature moment I find both of these chapters together quite funny.  Chapter eight Krishna tells of his power and majesty, and then in chapter nine Arjuna basically says, "You sounds awesome and I believe you are who you say. Tell me everything you can." Krishna then goes off more about who he is and his names and it seems like Krishna is like, "yes I am awesome, thank you for noticing.  And well since you asked......here are all my other cool names and things I do."   Dont know why I find that funny, but it is.

For my personal practice this week was extremely stressful and busy so I didnt do much yoga outside of more breathing stuff.  I would just sit there for a bit every now and then and focus on controlling my breath and slowing it down.  Even just with that I did notice a lot of benefits. They were not quite to the same level  and doing some of the restorative poses and a savasana time, but its nice to see how even something as simple as breathing can help.

With class, Im still loving it.  There isnt much I would change now or say that I didnt like.  I just want to keep going and seeing the improvement that I have so far.  Being selfish though, being able to get up into a headstand or other more complex poses like that would be kinda cool though.